my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
