I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
