I should be sponsored by Trojan
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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