I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
