So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
