Got a toothbrush?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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