addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have post one night stand depression
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
