Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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