Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
