you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
