How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
