Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
