I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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