this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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