i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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