and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
