Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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