Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
