Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
