Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
