it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
