my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I could fuck to npr.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
