So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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