My friends, they love my intelligence
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
