i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
