Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
