my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She needs sedatives and a leash
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
