kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize