**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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