I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ugly people sure do ruin things
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she peed on how many people?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
