Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
