you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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