I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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