now i know why i became what i already was.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
