I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
