I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
