It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
