Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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