thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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