I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
