I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
