I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
