you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my poor anus
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
