I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
