Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
