weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize