Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
