piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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