your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
