first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
