It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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