You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He shit in the fireplace
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
