allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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