I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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