last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize