I cockslap morals
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
