I cannot find my penis.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
