please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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