I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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