Where did you get a picture of my penis
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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