i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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