I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
