The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize