I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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