I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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