lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize