I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just pee around me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
