Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize