How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
