Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
