I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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