I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
