im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
