I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize