I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
