I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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