Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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