So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
