i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
