So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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