They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
