I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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