a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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