Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
