Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
