Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
